August 31, 2008
I didn't always want to be a doctor. Plenty of medical students recount early medical ambitions, citing experiences they had playing doctor with dolls as patients, experiences with family illness, etc. When I was young I wanted to be an actress. I spent my formative teen years seeking an agent, not volunteering in a hospital. At sixteen years of age I had not one Oscar award to my name (or even an agent for that matter), and I decided to rethink my life ambitions. I was good at math and problem-solving, and I really liked biology. All signs pointed to bioengineering, and my aim shifted from Hollywood to the University of Pennsylvania School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. I matriculated at Penn in September 2001 excited about my field of study and with lofty research ambitions. For my first year and a half as an undergrad medical school wasn't really on the radar. I hoped to finish my degree, move to a hub of bioengineering research (San Fran or San Diego - my eyes were again fixed on California) and work to improve the field of tissue engineering.
My change of heart was catalyzed by a very specific event. It was the spring of my sophomore year, and I was at an evening panel discussion called the Global Persecution Forum. The panel members were people from other countries (mostly in Africa and Asia) who had been severely persecuted for their spiritual beliefs. I listened in shock as these men and women recounted being tortured by captors. They had been burned with hot oil; they had seen children in their communities executed. These people didn't do anything to warrant such treatment. For perhaps the first time in my relatively sheltered life, I was confronted by injustice in all its ugliness.
I spent the rest of that evening and the entire next day feeling numb. My mind was overwhelmed with questions like "why them and not me?" and "what can I do?" My worldview had been shattered, my worldview had been awakened, and I did not want to do bench-work anymore. I thought long and hard about my former goals and how they fit into my newly developing priorities. This was the first time that the idea of becoming a physician ever seriously lingered in my mind. I realized that as a physician I could still utilize the strengths that led me to engineering: proficiency in math and the sciences and a love for analytical problem-solving. I would also be able to exercise another of my strengths: compassion. As a physician I could work to comfort, to restore and to heal those who are broken.
The next week I met with a pre-professional studies advisor on campus and learned that as second-year biomedical engineering student I could still fulfill all of my pre-medical requirements. Thus began my five and a half-year journey to medical school. The path was not without trial, and there were certainly instances along the way that made me question my medical school ambitions. In fact, the first time I applied to medical school I was not admitted. Though a disappointment, the news was really a blessing in disguise. The extra year "off" gave me opportunity to leave my corporate job and volunteer with Mercy Ships International, a floating hospital ship that provides free surgeries in countries with little to no healthcare infrastructure. My time working in Liberia on the Africa Mercy (Mercy Ships' vessel in W. Africa) re-sensitized my heart to the suffering of my distant neighbors after years of living in warm apartments with a wardrobe and a balanced diet had allowed me to grow somewhat complacent. In Liberia I participated in the post-operative care of a 12 year old girl named Elizabeth who had been previously unable to seek medical attention for the burn injury that left her unable to use her left hand for 9 years; I befriended a 21 year old woman named Betty who had suffered for 3 years from a vesico-vaginal fistula; I prayed with women who were being unjustly held at the Monrovia Central Prison without due cause or the promise of a trial. While I worked on the Africa Mercy and waited to undergo my second attempt at med school interviews I realized that I was made to serve. Whether as a physician or a professional blanket-giver or whatever, I resolved to dedicate myself to the amelioration of suffering. I was overjoyed when I learned of my admission to the UofA this past March; I am going to serve as a doctor.
…So this is what I bring to the table. I bring the mind of an engineer - a mind that loves analytical problem-solving and enjoys discovering all of the interwoven intricacies that allow our bodies to function together as whole, interdependent units. I also bring a deep compassion and an unquenchable resolve to help - in whatever way I can - right wrongs done by this world and to this world. I anticipate challenges, I anticipate discouragement, and I anticipate feelings of self-doubt. But I will be prepared for adversity; my roots are deeply planted in my faith, an enduring source of strength, and I have hope. Medicine is what I love. This is my calling.
